piss off the barista in twenty seconds flat

i try to not get so pissed off when i'm behind the bar but there are some things that really cannot be helped.
#1 saying "i'll just have......( insert complicated drink order here)..... to go"
yeah. there is no "just" about a triple short decaf mocha dry cappuccino. there is nothing simple and staright forward about that drink order. don't say it. also dont say "gimme". i really detest rudeness. say please, thank you and tip your barista. and when i ask you how you are, dont reply with your drink order. i may not be ready to take your order and i'm just being nice. you'll have to repeat your order when i ask "what can i get for you?".
#2 customers expecting table service when there are 4 people behind the bar but a line of twenty.
do not ever expect table service. anywhere. take a moment and observe. is the barista calling out orders as they are completed? are customers waiting for their drinks close to the counter? if they are, do as they do. and do not expect the barista to drop everything to make your order before everyone elses. despite what you may think, there is a ryhme and a reason and a line of drink orders that need to be done before we can get you your grande skinny decaf latte.
#3 ordering $39.93 worth of pastries and drinks, paying with two twenties and saying "keep the change."
on average baristas, make minimum wage. a seven cent tip split 4 ways is not only insulting, but totally degrading.
you say, get a higher paying job. we say, fuck you we like our jobs, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS TIP AT LEAST %10 ON POURED COFFEE, 20 % ON ESPRESSO.
#4 not knowing your order and expecting the person behind the counter who has never waited on you to know what your "usual" is.
#5 changing your order 3 times after you have paid and the drink ticket is in the queue to be made while the barista "on bar" is making twenty drinks. trying to order directly from the person "on bar" when they are in the middle of steaming milk and concentrating on getting all those drinks out fast. it's the equivalent of walking into the kitchen of a restaurant to order directly from the head chef.dont fucking do it.

REMEMBER: A BARISTA IS A SKILLED CRAFTSPERSON, NOT A DISHWASHER, NOT A WAITSTAFF, NOT A TABLE BUSSER.